Practicing Convene Principles at Home

One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned from my involvement with Convene is the importance of spending time working on my “business” and not just investing time in the “business”. I need to pull my shoulder off of the grindstone to take a look at how and why I am doing what I am doing. That is such a simple idea … yet when I apply it … it transforms what I am grinding away at … and how I am spending my time. Being in the marriage and family building “business”, I’m amazed at how many of the principles we learn at our Convene Forum Days have direct application into our marriages. I have been trained as a theologian and counselor not a business leader. So, the whole concept of Managing by Key Indicators was new to me; and I struggled a while to articulate what needs to be done in order for me to be successful in what I do.

We’ve all learned that “You can’t manage what you don’t measure.” Going back to my notes these quotes jumped out to me:

“Know well the condition of your flocks, and pay attention to your herds. For riches are not forever; nor does a crown endure to all generations.” Prov. 27:23-24, NASB

Companies that fail - work hard - but on the wrong things! To help your business stay focused on the right things, create a set of simple Key Indicators, which allow you to quickly assess the health and direction of the organization.

Look at how these sound if we just change a few key words:

“Know well the condition of your spouse, and pay attention to your family. For riches are not forever; nor does a crown endure to all generations.” Prov. 27:23-24, NASB

Couples that fail - work hard - but on the wrong things! To help your marriage stay focused on the right things, create a set of simple Key Indicators, which allow you to quickly assess the health and direction of the relationship.

Have you ever thought about what the “Key indicators” might be for your marriage and family life? Here’s a list Karen and I came up with to help us see how well we’re doing:

• We’re communicating on a rapport (emotional) versus report (fact) level?

• We’re making regular spiritual connections?

• We’re making regular physical connections?

• We resolve our conflicts / issues quickly?

• We’re an effective parenting team?

• We enjoy “alone time” together?

• We are serving the Lord together?

Why don’t you schedule a family business meeting with your spouse and agree on a set of KPI’s for your marriage this week?

Avoid America’s Favorite Pastime

What is America’s favorite pastime? Some people would have you think it is baseball. Afterall, it is called the “National Pastime.” True, a lot of people attend all types of baseball games…from little league to major league games. Some people think baseball is a bit slow. Someone once said that baseball is 15 minutes of action packed into 3 hours! Some people believe golf is the national pastime. It certainly has continued to gain popularity and participants over the years. Personally, I don’t like to play golf because I stand too close to the ball … after I hit it!!

However, there is another pastime that Americans are crazy about. Despite its popularity, this pastime should be avoided at all times!

It is called “transference of blame.” It is easy to blame others for our condition, our problems, our state in life. We do it all the time:

“Mom, it isn’t my fault I failed that test. You see, the teachers asked questions from the book! I thought they’d be from his lectures!”

“Boss, it’s not my fault the customer didn’t buy. I showed up at 1:45 … for the 1:00 appointment!”

Of course it’s not our fault that we do this. The blame goes to Adam and Eve. They started it all! God asked Adam if he’d eaten the fruit. Adam said, “Lord, let me tell you about that woman you gave me.” Eve said it was the serpent’s fault … and we all know that the snake didn’t have a leg to stand on!

We are responsible for our thoughts and our actions. We are responsible for our hits and our misses. We are responsible for our success and our mistakes. If others are responsible for our success, then we need to invest in those people! We need to send them to schools and to seminars and to educate them. Once they are better, we will get better. Once they are great, our lives will be great! No, I don’t think so.

You know that it doesn’t work that way. We must stop blaming others. We must stand on our own and make our own way in this world. We all need to avoid the pastime of “transference of blame!”

ON TAPPING INTO THE STRENGTH WITHIN YOU

Colossians 2: 9-10. For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority. The most readily accessible growth in our Christian walk will come from a deeper acceptance of what God has already promised.

We trust God for our eternity, but question whether he’ll handle the meeting, the situation or the problem.

If I had to put a percentage to it, I’d say that 99% of the value and effectiveness of our day-to-day Christian experience comes from our capacity to connect with God’s promises… owning the amazing work, love and peace He has said is already done in each of us. The rest is allowing the momentum of that clarity and belief to drive all we are and everything we do - with that easy yoke and light burden we hear about but seldom experience. God was careful to make hundreds of tangible promises about our value, the strength we possess, the favor we have and that He has gone before us, is with us, and will deal with the aftermath in ALL things. For many, these empowering truths remain somewhere between back-of-mind and nowhere-to-be-seen as we move through day-to-day activities, challenges and opportunities. Subscribing to four realities can transform everything about our life if we filter them through the lens of what is already done, not what is coming: 1. What God has said about who He is. 2. The intense power and wisdom we have in Him. 3. The value He will deliver in all present circumstances. 4. The endless blessings He will provide in what is to come.

Taking ownership of His specific promises before any conversation, meeting, initiative or vision will bring a peace, confidence and awareness that passes our understanding. As for the outcomes, they will be nothing short of, well… what He has already promised!

The Big Question: What would my life be like if I walked in the full awareness and acceptance of what God has already promised me?

Problem vs. Tension

Admit it. We feel better when we are solving problems, fixing things, repairing stuff, or creating something new. As business owners / leaders we pride ourselves based on DOING. We are not fond of unresolved issues lingering around much. Yet, not all “issues” may be meant to be solved! In fact, solving an issue may generate more problems and unwanted side effects. So it is important to distinguish between a problem to solve or a tension to manage. For leaders, we are tempted to solve things or do things ourselves when those we serve come to us and interrupt our work. By “solving” this problem by making ourselves less accessible, the message sent could be we are unapproachable, we do not care, and so forth. Other common dilemmas … customizing / tailoring our products and services to our clients / customers vs. developing efficiencies by systematizing our deliverables, attracting the best talent vs. managing costs, being flexible and understanding vs. holding people accountable and managing performance.

Similarly, as parents we might lean into the urge to do or fix things for our children, rather than allowing them to struggle and make mistakes. Seeing these situations a problems to solve, we hinder growth and development.

The alternative is reframing these situations as tensions to manage. It is embracing the dissonance and friction and polarity that enables us to look beyond the current issue. Reframing prompts us to rephrase the question from focusing on the problem (e.g., How can I fix this?) to focusing on the tension (e.g., How can I do this AND this?). This is similar to polarity thinking which shifts the perspective from either / or (problem) to both / and (tension). What is the upside of each position? What is the downside? How do we access the best of both while avoiding as much of the negative as possible?

To aid ourselves in determining if we have a tension to manage or a problem to solve consider the following …

• Balance. Are there valid positions on both sides of the issue?

• Risk. If you solve this issue, is there an apparent risk? What’s at stake … short-term and long-term?

• Creativity. By seeing this issue as a tension with two or more sides, is creativity sparked?

A final thought … when dealing with people and relationships, we are instructed to “love one another.” Thus, our default position and starting point with human beings — who are made in the image and likeness of God — is LOVE. And LOVE may be the ultimate tension to manage!

Knowing Before Fixing

“You can’t repair something if you don’t know how it works.” These words of wisdom were shared by a city maintenance supervisor at a recent leadership class I delivered. We were discussing the characteristics of great leadership.

Not being gifted with much talent at all for fixing or maintaining things, I realized this simple practical statement ascends beyond “things” and also is true for people and relationships. Stephen Covey made famous the habit of “seek first to understand, then to be understood.” The intention is similar … if I want to improve, fix, change, understand, alter, positively impact someone or something — it requires knowing how he/she/it works first! And knowing how someone or something works demands study, observation, learning, and analysis — it calls for investing time with the “owners manual” for that person or thing first, prior to getting out the toolbox and “fixing.”