Confrontation: Rules to Live By

In our lives we are often faced with the need to confront someone whether it be a family member, a neighbor, a stranger or someone on your staff. Let’s start with some guidance from the ultimate “how to guide” the Bible! I used the GOD’S Word Translation for all of the versus.

Be angry without sinning. Don’t go to bed angry.” Ephesians 4:26

"If a believer does something wrong, go, confront him when the two of you are alone. If he listens to you, you have won back that believer. Matthew 18:15

Don’t say anything that would hurt another person. Instead, speak only what is good so that you can give help wherever it is needed. That way, what you say will help those who hear you.”  Ephesians 4:29

  1. Do not confront when you are angry. Your anger gives permission for the other person to become angry. The conversation can easily escalate out of control. Be calm, collect your thoughts before you proceed.
  2. Confront in private, always! Praise in public, but keep your confrontation in confidence.
  3. Stick to the issue, don’t get personal. Focus on the reason for the confrontation, don’t bring up past mistakes.
  4. If appropriate pray with the person before you begin.
  5. Before you start, give reason for the meeting. Don’t keep them dreading and wondering what you’re going to talk about.
  6. Start with a positive statement, find something good to say about the person. “John you are doing a great job in this (area)”, be specific.
  7. State the issue or problem but don’t overdo it! Keep to one issue and deal with other in future meetings.
  8. Give time for feedback, but don’t accept excuses.
  9. Discuss solutions to improve or correct issue.
  10. Get agreement, set accountabilities.
  11. Set benchmarks and completion dates.
  12. Give assurance of your support and belief in the person for success.

One final thought, if there is an issue or challenge don’t put it off deal with it right away!