In the Wake of the PGA: 5 values of privately-held family business

I live up the road from Whistling Straits, the venue for the 2015 PGA Championship, won by Jason Day among some incredible golfing performances on one of golf’s most beautiful courses. My extended family was involved as staff and volunteers. Many of our friends walked alongside their favorite golfers, celebrating the locale and taking joy in the beauty of their home region getting national attention. Many of us kept the radio or television on from beginning to end. Herb Kohler of the Kohler Co., and the visionary behind the championship courses and the high-end tourism in my area, made a few television appearances. He epitomizes a privately-owned family business deep into its fourth generation of leadership. A legacy like this is rare, but not quite so rare among the businesses and industries that line the western shoreline of Lake Michigan. The Kohler legacy is a standout among many families in my part of the world that endeavor for:

1. A family legacy.

2. The long-term.

3. The well-being of employees and their families.

4. Civic engagement.

5. Land and facility stewardship

These values do not match well with much of the American business landscape. But consider the many companies that bolted into existence and disappeared with an eye on the short-term while these family-owned industries keep plugging along, changing more slowly and with a longer-term view in mind. Enron anyone? How about some investments in big box stores?

Family-owned businesses get it wrong all the time. They fail spectacularly too. However, if you care about these five values – values that can easily be anchored in Christian faith and living – then we might note that the best at demonstrating them come from multi-generation, family-owned, deeply-rooted businesses. Might this be because leaders are surrounded in a culture that they cannot escape, not even at the dinner table, not even when they go out to eat, and not even when the family reunion is passing out corn on the cob? Family members and friends might chafe at being swallowed up and not feeling like an individual, and yet, given time and the opportunity to learn how to lead, so often they return to bring that new generation of leadership with a freshened vision.

Companies like these are modern expressions of the Asaph’s prayer in Psalm 78:   

I will utter hidden things,

things from of old—

what we have heard and known,

what our fathers have told us.

We will not hide them from our children;

we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord,

his power and the wonders he has done…..

so the next generation will know them, even the children yet to be born

and they in turn will tell their children.

 If these five values call to you, deep in your bones, then get thyself to a Convene Team.

Practicing Convene Principles at Home

One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned from my involvement with Convene is the importance of spending time working on my “business” and not just investing time in the “business”. I need to pull my shoulder off of the grindstone to take a look at how and why I am doing what I am doing. That is such a simple idea … yet when I apply it … it transforms what I am grinding away at … and how I am spending my time. Being in the marriage and family building “business”, I’m amazed at how many of the principles we learn at our Convene Forum Days have direct application into our marriages. I have been trained as a theologian and counselor not a business leader. So, the whole concept of Managing by Key Indicators was new to me; and I struggled a while to articulate what needs to be done in order for me to be successful in what I do.

We’ve all learned that “You can’t manage what you don’t measure.” Going back to my notes these quotes jumped out to me:

“Know well the condition of your flocks, and pay attention to your herds. For riches are not forever; nor does a crown endure to all generations.” Prov. 27:23-24, NASB

Companies that fail - work hard - but on the wrong things! To help your business stay focused on the right things, create a set of simple Key Indicators, which allow you to quickly assess the health and direction of the organization.

Look at how these sound if we just change a few key words:

“Know well the condition of your spouse, and pay attention to your family. For riches are not forever; nor does a crown endure to all generations.” Prov. 27:23-24, NASB

Couples that fail - work hard - but on the wrong things! To help your marriage stay focused on the right things, create a set of simple Key Indicators, which allow you to quickly assess the health and direction of the relationship.

Have you ever thought about what the “Key indicators” might be for your marriage and family life? Here’s a list Karen and I came up with to help us see how well we’re doing:

• We’re communicating on a rapport (emotional) versus report (fact) level?

• We’re making regular spiritual connections?

• We’re making regular physical connections?

• We resolve our conflicts / issues quickly?

• We’re an effective parenting team?

• We enjoy “alone time” together?

• We are serving the Lord together?

Why don’t you schedule a family business meeting with your spouse and agree on a set of KPI’s for your marriage this week?

Preparing for a Successful Retirement

Marriage & Business: Hiking the High Wire over Niagara Falls

Tony got married seven years ago--in the midst of building his precision- tool company; and started off by making three mistakes.  Here they are: One, after a romantic wedding in Greece, he whisked his bride off to a honeymoon at a machine-tool trade show in Germany.

Two:  During the early years of his marriage he plowed every penny of profits back into his business-putting all of the financial burden on his wife; who was also trying to raise their first child.   and …

Three: … this one's the real biggie. "I underestimated how much time the business was going to take away from my family," Tony says. "I was literally never home.  Our marriage almost didn't survive.  I got to the point where I had to say to her, 'I'll do anything.  Just please don't leave.' "

It goes without saying that building a successful business and a happy marriage at the same time is not easy … in fact some say it is the impossible dream.  Henry Landes, founder of the Delaware Valley Family Business Center says:  "It's like walking the high wire over Niagara Falls.  It takes a lot of skill, and you can fall off easily.,"

A marriage in which the business is the biggest baby, counselor Landes says, "has to be a stronger marriage than most.  It needs better communication skills, better conflict-resolution skills, better specific planning skills, and a lot more resilience."

The good news is that despite the many pitfalls, plenty of entrepreneurial couples are meeting that challenge.  In fact research suggests that the shared struggle of creating a company together can make a good marriage even better.

Data shows that there's no evidence that the divorce rate among business owners is any higher than average.  According to a recent survey by the investment advisory firm Neuberger Berman, 42% of CEOs of fast-growing startups say that running their own companies has had a positive effect on their relationships with spouses.  That is significantly higher than the 32% who said business ownership had caused trouble on the home front.

So let’s take some time to ask some important questions:

What were some of the mistakes you made in building your business that had a negative impact on your marriage?  How did you correct them, or are you still making them?

How have you transferred the attitudes and skills that make you successful in business into your home life?

And just for fun … using our Convene vernacular … what are the Key Performance Indicators that you have set for your marriage?  How will you measure them?  Who’s holding you accountable to do so?

Our aspiration is to take our companies from good to great … let’s set that same goal for our marriage and home lives.

Matthew 16:26:  What does it profit a man to gain the whole world … if he loses his soul?

A Leader and His Family

I slipped into his room late one evening to give him a goodnight snuggle only to find him wide awake snuggled under the covers. “Hey Dad!” my 12 year old said. “Tonight was our date night! You forgot!” Has it happened to you yet? In the midst of the holiday sales and the eggnog latté’s the dashing and the prancing for a place in line at Denny’s after a long night of shopping for the perfect gift? Have you forgotten the most important thing God has entrusted to you? It’s the gift of our family and those we love. It had been weeks since my wife and I had a date together, just the two of us. I knew things needed to change and fast. We set out to meet our work and family goals and somehow in the midst of all the holiday rushing, we forget that waiting at home is that young boy waiting to play catch, that teenage girl who needs to talk about boys or that spouse that needs to be treated with all the attention we gave them back in the spring when things were moving at a slower pace. Why does it happen? Why do we feel like we need run so hard during the holidays?

Recently, over a cup of coffee with a friend, in-between the sips of Starbucks and the glint of the bright sunshine, the truth about his family came out. The friend I was meeting with told me the real story of where things were with his work. You see, his work as a leader was doing great, it was his family that was suffering.

Nobel Prize winning Harvard biologist Dr. George Wald has some thoughts: “What one really needs is not the Nobel laureates but love. How do you think one gets to be a Nobel laureate? Wanting love, that’s how. Wanting it so bad one works all the time and ends up a Nobel laureate. It’s a consolation prize. What matters is love.”

If we were sitting at that Starbucks near your house and talking over our day, would you allow me a pretty personal question? What’s the Nobel Prize you’re striving for? Is it possible that the prize you’re striving for has edged out your precious family?

Well, before the Starbucks gets cold and we’ve both gotta run, if it’s time for a bit of a life re-balancing, here are ten ideas to help you get back on track. Got a pen? Jot em down on your napkin.

1. Get your family together and craft a family mission statement. It’s just as important to be intentional as a family as it is to do so where you work. We wanted our family to be on the same page as to why we were here on earth. Need a head start? Here’s ours. “Our family is going through life’s journey together, growing roots in Christ and wings for our mission, becoming equipped to make a difference in our world by learning to live like Jesus, for Jesus and in Jesus.“

2. Carve out time for your family each week…in advance. Put it on your calendar. Stop saying you have got to get ‘one more thing done’ before you leave for home.

3. Jettison things from your schedule that aren’t important. March to the mission that Jesus called you to, not the mission that others want you to do for them. Be ruthless here!

4. If your work situation requires constant excessive hours to get the job done, it’s time to evaluate other ways to accomplish the task. You can’t accomplish the mission of the organization single-handedly! Pray for supernatural results throughout your day, then go home and be a minister to your main mission field, your family.

5. If you’re a leader of others, have people actually write into their job descriptions the need to be committed to their family and specifically how they will be do this.

6. Develop an activity together with your family as a whole and or with individual family members; maybe it’s hiking, a date at Denny’s for breakfast on Saturday or coffee with your spouse.

7. Create a spiritual ‘life development plan’ for each of your kids outlining their strengths, areas for improvement and your plans to shape them as they grow up under your care. Our children are arrows that are being sent to a world that we will never fully see. It’s our job to shape them into arrows that will travel the distance to the kingdom target that God has intended for them.

8. Schedule a date night of at least an hour once a week with each child or your spouse where you just focus on them. It doesn’t have to be expensive, time alone is the critical ingredient here.

9. When you’re traveling, send email or a postcard back to your family. Pray with them on the phone in addition to chatting.

10. At the end of a day, ask your kids or spouse these three questions…’What happened today that you’re proud of ?’ ‘What happened today that you wish you could do over?’ ‘Where did you see God in your day today?’

OK, just one more question…If you asked your children to share words that define your parenting, or if your spouse was reviewing your life at your funeral service, what words would they use? If you’re not happy with what words are echoing around in your head, it’s time to make some changes. I love how Eugene Petersen in The Message puts it, “Exploit or abuse your family, and end up with a fistful of air…” (Proverbs 11:29). When my work years have come to an end and the castles of my work stand tall and strong, I want to be holding more than air, don’t you?

“Hey Dad! I passed!” said my 15 year old girl. You see, I’m writing this morning from the Department of Motor Vehicles waiting room where I came with my daughter to get her driving permit. Some days you just can’t get to ‘balance’ so lately I’ve been working on “integration” – aren’t laptops great? As my daughter and I celebrated her passing the test with a big hug in the lobby, I was glad I’d decided the to-do list at work could wait. The memory of this morning with her will last forever, and I think we’ll celebrate with a long, slow eggnog latte.

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Greg Leith was born in Canada and has lived in all four corners of North America. His career spans over 35 years of senior leadership roles in corporate, nonprofit and academic sectors. He is currently the CEO of Convene , a nationwide group of hundreds of faith based CEO’s learning together to grow exceptional businesses, become higher-impact leaders and honor God. He serves on various boards related to his passion of faith integrated with the marketplace, and he loves helping people get clarity on mission and purpose as a certified life coach. Married for over 35 years to his wife Shelley, he’s the father and friend of five thriving young adults. He and Shelley love to speak on marriage and parenting for FamilyLife, and they live in Southern California.